FLippED

..night to day
..tears to smiles
..grief to joy
..loneliness to companionship
..half crazy to peace of mind

a new day has come and all the bad fog that once surrounded me are gone. its a happy day! :) everything is turning out the way it should.. whether good or bad.. its still something i deserve. count your blessings, tin! :)

childHOOD memoRieS

hugs. kisses. playgrounds. bicycles. theme parks. noise. music. songs. love. television. school. friends. games. fooling around. stars. teachers. wishes. dreams. teddy bears. sunday afternoons. sleep. jokes. books. dolls. fights. bruises. laughter. smiles. my dad. my mom. my sister. my brother.

::death::

in the silence of the night, i search for you.. in the bliss of dawn, i long for you.. in the midst of my laughter, i miss your smiles..

i can't find you anymore. i run all day long.. searching. searching for that familiar face. the face that used to greet my mornings. the face that captivates my heart. but you -- you're gone. and you're nowhere to be found. the familiar places doesn't seem too familiar anymore. the usual conversations were so different now. the hobbies that became vices were a lot strange.

the night became too cold for me to bare. the mornings became too gloomy for me to face. the calmness of the sea became raging waves that hit the seashore with a loud noise. the birds are not that cheerful anymore. the flowers never bloomed that way they used to. and the silence. the unfathomable silence that slowly breaks my heart -- the kind that so loudly bangs in my ear like a thunder in a storm. the silence that tears all the joy in me.

never again will i hear your laughter. never again will i wipe those tears. never again will i listen to your voice.

QUESTion

i still believe that nothing lasts forever. people change and there's nothing we could do about it. usually, they would never live up to our expectations and most of the time they'll break their promises.

living in a world full of lies. living in a world full of hatred and pride. how worse can it actually get?

LeFt BeHind

being in a world full of strangers wouldn't be too bad compared to being in a world full of friends yet one by one they started leaving your world.. just like that.

.:juSt oNe wish:.

where are the wishing stars when all i ever wanted is for my wishes to come true?

where have all the fairy godmothers gone when all i ever wanted is some magical moment?

who removed all the wishing wells in the garden when all i ever wanted is to throw a coin and wish?

where have all the magic lamps been kept when all i ever wanted is one wish to be granted?

too bad.. they're all gone..

i used to believe that wishes do come true. that life is like a fairy tale full of beautiful princesses and mighty princes.

i hope i never lost that belief. so that when i wish that you'll be by my side.. when i wish that you'll be mine..

.. the wishing star would fall

.. the fairy godmother would appear

.. the wishing well would allow me to throw a coin

.. and the genie will be all smiles to grant me even just one wish.

LosT iN tRaNsLatiON

you always managed to put tears in my heart.. you might not see my eyes drip with sadness.. but the pain you've inflicted lies within.. the kind of pain that'll eat me up slowly.. until i can't feel anymore..

it's unfair.. you are unfair.. but still i choose to love you..

maRtyr'D 4 yoU

i'll just be waiting for you until all of you have consumed me. i'll just be here until all your sadness turns to smiles. i'll be by your side until i've took hold of all your fears. i'll watch over you until all your nightmares are gone.

ill just be waiting. ill just be here. ill be by your side. ill watch over you.. even if there's no more of me..

your happiness is more important than my life.

draft iv

then suddenly there was a bright light.. almost blinding.. i rushed towards the light, my heart pounding furiously, since for me, the light came as a hope for a lost soul.. then as i came closer towards the source of the light, i saw a shadowy image.. afraid of what it is, i hesitated to come near. but then a familiar face covered the blindness of the light.. and there you were, smiling.. with your arms outstretched.. i ran without hesitation towards you.. and with your arms wrapped around me, i felt a calming peace in my heart.. then everything went from dark to light.. seemigly, the rain clouds left and the rainbow greeted me with its promise of hope.

draft iii

**
how could you share a smile when your heart aches?
how could you spread the cheer when you're lonely inside?
how could you greet the morning just like a beautiful sunshine
when you yourself is full of darkness like the night?

***
feel the pain. all of it. never hold back. be selfish of the pain.
don't show it. showing it triggers more pain. smile. cry in the dark.
shout in silence. comfort yourself in prayer.
then little by little. you'll feel pain no more.

**