it grieves my heart that i wasnt able to make it in the cpa licensure exams. i must admit i wasnt ready to take the exams yet because the fact remains that 60% of the time i was supposed to be reviewing are spent having fun with my bestfriends. regrets? none. its wierd that i feel not even a single hinch of regret regarding the fact that i was not able to focus with my review. maybe because i tend to see things in a different perspective now. and also, days before the final exams were held, i really did pray that whatever the results may be, that God with all his grace find it in my heart to accept his plan with joy. on the other hand, i really am confused at the moment. i actually wasnt able to plan regarding my next step if ever i wont make it. right now, my mind keeps wandering about what to do next. because of this, i make decisions on impulse. im not really thinking straight right now, and my mind keeps shouting questions- questions i dare not ask my Lord. my mind is really going to burst regarding the things going on in my mind. things, which i do not know i should be thinking of. will something good happen to me? why did i fail? am i under the judgement of God? is this really part of his plan or am i being punished? why didnt he allowed to make it? why? is my faith not enough? are my cries not enough? dont i deserve it? i dont know. these questions would forever remain unanswered not until God unfolds his plan for me. i dont know if i have the faith to trust him. i dont know if i have the faith to go on with my life. but im trying. its a blessing that i have good and understanding parents who encouraged me despite the failure. i just hate the feeling when i think about their reaction if ever i did passed. i feel i never made them proud. and i feel that they loved me too much and i never gave them the honor of having me as their daughter. it hurts. and it sucks thinking about these things. i even feel jealous towards my friends who made it. their parents must have been so proud. i guess i just have to accept the fact that all things wont always be the way i want them to be. all i have to do is trust in the Lord for in him is my victory. i may not have emerged victorious this time but i know that the Lord has something better in store for me. and the fact still remains that i have my friends to back me up anytime.. :p

1 comment:

  1. 3 words: in God's time... :)

    hahaha! feeling close talaga aku! nakikicomment na ku sa blog mu! hehe.. :) ngat ngatz! ;)