dos mil otso

broken promises. unalienable truths. closed doors. lost souls. weaping heart. tired mind. exhausted feelings. wishful thinking. happy memories. outstretched hand. smiling eyes. comforting arms. calming reassurance.

buBbLes iN mY miNd

here's a list of the little bubbles i have to pop before i die (which could or might be anytime soon.. harhar! or not..)

1. have my own gun (haha! nice kayang magassemble and disassemble ng baril.. not really to kill or shoot someone.. maybe join a shooting club or something)

2. travel! visit a country.. (kahit sa asia lang.. at least i'll have the pride of saying that i really traveled.. may ganun?)

3. help someone in dire need (always had the urge.. never had the guts.. how selfish noh?)

4. bunjee jump? nah! sky dive? .. not for me.. im afraid of heights.. maybe rappel.. tried it once.. maybe doing it again wouldn't hurt..

5. bring someone closer to God.. :)

6. compose a song.. a really nice song.. (asa!) or learn how to play a musical instrument na lang..

7. gain weight (hahaha! kahit pagpapabuntis sa kalye ng recto avenue payag ako.. bwahaha! cheapness!)

8. find a true friend (tick that as done.. found one.. or is that two.. not really sure.. but for the record, at least i have one; and i had one (?))

9. have (or adopt) a baby named after my lola.. (really missing her.. can't help but cry whenever i remember her and how sad my dad looked when she left.. 7 years ago..)

10.wish on a REAL shooting star (or technically, a comet?)

11.learn how to drive..

12.learn how to dive.. or swim.. haha! (napakadysfunctional ko talaga!)

13.wake up with a room filled with flowers.. (haha! burol? hinde! badtrip.. romantic moment kunyari.. harhar)

14.have my own camera.. (kung ano man un e hindi ko maexplain) capture the perfect-moment drama

15.learn the true meaning of contentment

16.have my own car

17.design my own pad..

18.find the sport i'm good at..

19.watch a live concert

20.stop being scared about everything :)

thinking out loud

please dont make me hate you cause now i do
please dont make me get used to you being not around
please dont make me wish i never met you
please dont make me wish that you be completely out of my life

because i easily cope
and my mind easily forgets

i might like the feeling..
and i might not regret..

a different valentine

it should have been a beautiful morning when i woke up that day.. the sun shone brightly, the birds sang sweetly and the gentle morning breeze felt like God's arms wrapped around me. i went out with a smile painted on my face, no worries, no fears.

i was looking forward to seeing you that day. i can even imagine your smile.. your eyes.. you.

a picnic was scheduled late that afternoon in a nearby lake. i felt really excited as i chose the pretty dress i would wear. it had little yellow daisies printed on it- just the way you like them.

i was preparing the picnic basket when the phone rang. i easily recognized his voice. its your dad. he doesn't usually call. i even can't remember having long conversations with him. his voice came strong but sad. he seems afraid. tense. confused.

his voice almost cracked as he whispered a simple, "hello".

"hi john", i said with a smile, "what's up?"
"something terrible came up, anne.", barely able to pronounce his words. i suddenly felt alarmed. "i think you need to brace yourself."
my mind began imagining things.
"..what is it?", i answered. a long pause came. then i heard him sigh.
"anne, he's gone." i think i didn't hear his words clearly. it seemed everything was falling into a black hole. i felt dizzy, unconscious.. barely breathing all at the same time. my heart began to pound furiously as i said, "what?" "you heard me anne, dave is gone. he met an accident this morning."

tears fell down my cheeks.

i never remembered if i was able to say my proper good-byes to your dad after that call. it seemed everything changed right after that very second i heard that you're gone. i felt empty. i felt lost.

no one could ever count the tears that poured the day your memorial services were held. it was a solemn yet painful event.

if only i met with you earlier that day.. then i would have been able to tell you everything.. i would have said sorry for hurting you before.. i would have told you how much i love you..

i may never see your eyes glow again.. i may never see your beautiful smile greet me each day.. i may never feel you.. but im all right now.. because i chose to stay.. with you.. in your heart..

i am wearing the pretty dress again.. the one with little yellow daisies printed on it.. just the way you like them.

so ayun.. sobrang bored na ako dito sa office kaya nagpost na lang ako.. hehe! im missing baguio na.. hehe! un kasi ang lugar na pwede kang matulog ng matulog.. tapos paggising mo, matulog ka ulit.. hehe! waaah! ang nonsense ko talaga..

ever heard of the brain game cryptos? grabe! lupet nun.. try it! hehe! highly recommended.. nakakabaliw sa kakadecrypt ng mga hidden chorva..hehe!