a different valentine

it should have been a beautiful morning when i woke up that day.. the sun shone brightly, the birds sang sweetly and the gentle morning breeze felt like God's arms wrapped around me. i went out with a smile painted on my face, no worries, no fears.

i was looking forward to seeing you that day. i can even imagine your smile.. your eyes.. you.

a picnic was scheduled late that afternoon in a nearby lake. i felt really excited as i chose the pretty dress i would wear. it had little yellow daisies printed on it- just the way you like them.

i was preparing the picnic basket when the phone rang. i easily recognized his voice. its your dad. he doesn't usually call. i even can't remember having long conversations with him. his voice came strong but sad. he seems afraid. tense. confused.

his voice almost cracked as he whispered a simple, "hello".

"hi john", i said with a smile, "what's up?"
"something terrible came up, anne.", barely able to pronounce his words. i suddenly felt alarmed. "i think you need to brace yourself."
my mind began imagining things.
"..what is it?", i answered. a long pause came. then i heard him sigh.
"anne, he's gone." i think i didn't hear his words clearly. it seemed everything was falling into a black hole. i felt dizzy, unconscious.. barely breathing all at the same time. my heart began to pound furiously as i said, "what?" "you heard me anne, dave is gone. he met an accident this morning."

tears fell down my cheeks.

i never remembered if i was able to say my proper good-byes to your dad after that call. it seemed everything changed right after that very second i heard that you're gone. i felt empty. i felt lost.

no one could ever count the tears that poured the day your memorial services were held. it was a solemn yet painful event.

if only i met with you earlier that day.. then i would have been able to tell you everything.. i would have said sorry for hurting you before.. i would have told you how much i love you..

i may never see your eyes glow again.. i may never see your beautiful smile greet me each day.. i may never feel you.. but im all right now.. because i chose to stay.. with you.. in your heart..

i am wearing the pretty dress again.. the one with little yellow daisies printed on it.. just the way you like them.

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