draft i

i always dream of writing the perfect poem, the perfect prose or maybe the perfect story depicting life's happiness, sorrow, celebrations or even tragedies. but i realized that words will never be enough to describe the joy.. the pain .. the excitement. words limit, emotions dont.

the human heart is indeed an amazing pool of feelings. overflowing. never ending. it knows what to feel at the perfect time and at the perfect situation. it does not hold back. it flows continuously without hesitations.

there are a lot of magical moments captured by these unexplainable emotions we feel. moments worth every beat.. ever blood rush.. every tingling sensation.. every weak-in-the-knee moment.. everything.

im quite disappointed that i am not the type of person who shows my real emotions. all my real feelings are kept hidden -- my excitements, my anxieties, my anger, my doubts, my fears, my joy, my hopes, and even my dreams. it scares me. a lot actually. it scares me to tell people how sad or happy i am. it scares me to admit that i am not strong enough to face another day. it scares me to shout how lonely or sad i am actually feeling. i dont exactly know why but maybe its simply because people only hears my fears, my hopes, my anxieties, my share of happiness. people only hear. people never listened. they never reached out. they never stopped and thought. they never digested the emotions kept within a pool of words. they never understood the pain behind the tears. they never cared about the smile behind the laugh. they never cared about the emotions ready to burst like a balloon behind the frowns and the silence. they never really cared about the love behind the take-cares, the i-miss-yous and the i-love-yous.

and maybe because of all these, i tend to hide. i tend to fear. i tend to keep everything within -- which is unfair.

doing what the world does, does not make it right. being one with the crowd does not make you in the right path. maybe it just takes one single step for the situation to change. one step that will make a difference. one soul willing not only to hear but to listen. a soul willing not only to listen but also to understand. and willing not only to understand but to act.

and maybe, just maybe, lesser tears would fall.. lesser souls would cry out in the middle of the night. and people, just like me, wouldn't need to fear.